the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
