You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Randomize
