look no pants
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize