Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
