my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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