No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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