People in love make me want to vomit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize