So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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