He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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