someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
