last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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