A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
