If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
