So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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