none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
