So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
