My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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