It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
