break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
