I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize