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I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
