Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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