we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
