I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
