if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
