I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
