I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
