he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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