i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
