I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
