WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize