i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
