Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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