have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm at about main and main street
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
