She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You need a sexual gate keeper
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
