would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
