he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
