You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I accidentally had phone sex last night
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
