Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
