Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
