sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
