True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
