Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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