so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
