Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
