The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dicks are not precious.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
