after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
