I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
