I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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