I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
