Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
