I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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