i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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