just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
