Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
