i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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