I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
