You really coming over, don't trick.
My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
