guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
