Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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