WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
