My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Randomize
