quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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