you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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