drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
