if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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