wrigley field is MILF paradise
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
