dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
