Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
